To care or not to care.......

So what's been going on in my life, let's see....... I've been working non-stop, went to a wedding and had an awesome weekend, planning a beach trip with some track buds in July, went to Peter's lake house, finished Praise Habit, started swimming everyday and trying to get better at the butterfly stroke, played some volleyball, haven't gone to the quarry yet, and other stuff I can't remember. But I've been "battling" more like thinking, a lot about some stuff; specifically caring. The weekly quote is one of many that I have received while being home, mainly from family saying I care too much, or I'm too personal, or I shouldn't care so on and so forth. Over the year I've heard things like, "you'll be a better small group leader because you care for people", or "you can change this and that because you care" which was really encouraging and got me pumped for next year but now, being here, I'm starting to think the opposite. Quite frankly, these past few weeks I have been done with caring for people.....why? because it is unfruitful, it produces nothing, and just drains me. I think I need to stop caring so much, even if that means stop caring in general. I look at my friends and some family member's lives, which are void of caring, and see how happy they are, how fulfilling their lives seem(whether that be the case or not, I don't know, may be it's for show).

So I started to rethink what it means to care, what it looks like, and when it is appropriate to care if you can limit it to specific times, or people in your life. I came to the conclusion to take a step back, to withdraw some ( not all the way where I never talk to you or anyone else again), to not care as much. I don't know, I feel cheesy saying all of this but somethings got to change and this is something that I can change so I'm going for it. And yet it feels so wrong to think this way, it is like I'm stuck in the middle of a fence not knowing where to fall.......well, I think it's time for me to look out for me only. Something that I barely do, and I need to start doing more often. I think that will benefit everyone a little more.