Left or Right?

Finished reading Psalm 119, interesting chapter in the Bible; supposedly it's the longest chapter and it's numbered in Hebrew which I just researched last night. Not sure why but it's something to explore or think about while I'm bored at work. My music selection this week is dominated by Fleetwood Mac. I'm just in a Fleetwood Mac mood. You ever get those kind of cravings for a particular artist and so you listen to them for awhile and then you get tired of them and move on. Well, maybe not but right now I'm in the Fleetwood Mac craving. They're interesting bunch; something to write about in a future blog. I took my brother off "My Peeps" list upon his request, I didn't reject him from my "peeps" group. He just hates sentimental stuff, or deep stuff, personal stuff whatever you want to call it. Doesn't mean he's shallow just never has liked talking about it. Work is still going, 10 hour days, the usual. But let's get down to business. The fork in the road....well, I feel that God is placing several of these in my life right now, choices I have to make. In an earlier blog I had written about not wanting to care as much for people anymore, that it is useless and unfruitful, and how life would be so much better without it. One train of thought that brought about this desire to not care was that whatever I did, anything I said, whenever I tried to help, whenever I was trying to be there for you didn't help, made the situation worse, had no effect so and so forth. Basically, I don't have an impact on other people's lives, God is not using me to help anyone, and I'm not needed. It's fine though, that's just life. So in response I stopped trying, stopped caring. I think not having a "Christian community" has taken a bigger toll on me than I thought it would. That's another factor for this change in thought.

I mean, look at all the Christians in the world that don't care a lot about others and their lives seem to be better that way, or at least that what it looks like to my friends and certain family members down here in hickville. I have to admit, life has been easier, less draining, and more fun. I'm having a great time hanging out with my family and friends not caring a lot and life is awesome.....but something feels wrong about it, something is amiss and ah, you guessed it, it's caring. I really don't know why I make a big deal about it, why this has been on my mind for the past month and a half, why this is bothering me so much. But I believe God is doing something here to have a lasting effect. Being spiritually alone, not having a community nor friends where you can talk about these things, has really made me dependent on God. It's extremely hard and can make a guy feel alone but maybe that's what I need to go through right now to prepare me for the future. I don't know. Maybe this caring dispute, which ever road I take, is suppose to shape me into someone that God can use...I have no flippin idea. But I do know this a choice of mine, a choice I had come across before this past school year, a choice of life........

Well God, You have made it plain enough to see what the right choice is and well, fine. I chose to care then. I'll continue pursuing, continue caring. So I may have no impact on anyone's life, I may not be needed, I may not be worth something but I know that you have given me this "spiritual gift" to serve you and if that doesn't help anyone down here or have an impact or help anyone at least I know that I am serving you in doing so. Who knows, maybe I'm worth something more than I realize. Only God can tell. Man, I'm hungry....alright I'm out.

Holler Back Youngen

Holler! This picture was taken in Quedlinburg, Germany which is this small town with a castle in the East side of Germany. I have no idea how those rocks were formed like that but they were pretty sweet...also, this is where I was this time last year. A lot has happened since then. So I have no intellectual thoughts for you or unquenchable questions to ask just kind of a re-cap of what's been going on since those who do read this I barely talk to.
Summer has finally begun. Freaking YES! I still work about 40+ hours a week at my favorite store Wendy's but I need it to just be able to go to college next semester. An advantage of working at night is that I have the whole day, well from 1130 (which is when I wake up) to 5 to just fulfill the day. And each day has been that, very fulfilling and very rewarding. It's funny, looking back at what I wrote earlier on, when I first arrived "home", and how hard it was adjusting due to two jobs, 3 and half hours of sleep and other stressful situations like Sheryl. Anyways, the second job is finished which leaves the whooollllleeeeeeeeee day just for me (talk about self centered). So what's been going on....been hanging out with some old friends, mainly Stephen (Freaking awesome), Brian(Freaking awesome), Matt(Very funny), and Darren(Goofy cool) playing pool 21, disc golf, volleyball, extreme gulping, and other stuff. When I'm not hanging with these cool dudes I'm spending time with the family playing video games (well, with my brother), RISK, Spades, Scrabble, and UNO. Yeah, the quote is from when we were playing RISK and I was about to win the game by taking my her capital and she called me a shit....that's the Hooper side of her (long story) of course if you met her you would never know it, she hides it pretty well ;) Love you tons mum.
Speaking of my mom, she doesn't like me being home because I eat her out of house and home; seriously I eat a ton and she hates how we don't have leftovers anymore because I always eat seconds or thirds. Yeah, talk about fatty but I run every other day and when I'm not running I'm swimming but because swimming costs 3 bucks every time I go I've been going less often due to financial stresses.
Met with my pastor, really funny guy, extremely smart. Had some great conversations with him and he treated to lunch....gotta love that. He's sending a team of college kids to Kiev, Ukraine (another long story) in the next few summers and wanted me to go so that is something I'm looking forward to.
Let's see...faith wise has been pretty nice. Been trying to dive into scripture a lot to know more about the God (duhhh), but more on learning about God intellectually, developing my own "theology" as Reggie puts it, and learning more about what Methodist believe in and what Baptist believe in, the difference between the two and which one I believe in more. Been reading Psalms with Jordan, because the book I just read, Praise Habit, made me want to dive into Psalms so that's nice.
Anyways, I'm out of stuff. I'm forgetting lots, I'm sure but hope your summer is going well. It's funny how it goes from harsh to nice. Later guys

"Do What Tastes Right"

BEWARE: The following blog may contain material inappropriate for kids younger than 13 and for people that love to eat at Wendy's.
This blog is dedicated to the truth; the truth of what is really in those sandwiches. Let's start with the basics, everything meat wise is stored in the deep freezer in, usually in the back of the building. The temperature of this contraption is about -10 degrees, if it was anything higher the meat would spoil. All of the descriptions I am about to reveal are stamped in bold letters on the sides of the boxes that the meat comes in.
Chicken Nuggets- "Chicken breast shaped fritters with Rib meat"
Fries- "potatoes and preservatives"
Spicy Chicken Filet- "Chicken breast with Rib meat coated in paprika"
Homestyle Chicken Filet- "Chicken breast with Rib meat and 17% of a solution"(no joke, this is really what it says)
Crispy Chicken- "Chicken breast with Rib meat, breaded"
Buffalo Chicken- "Chicken breast with Rib meat coated with spice"
The beef is just cow and grease.
Chili- Made with tomatoes, onions, beef, pinto beans, chili flavoring powder, and other mysterious ingredients I haven't figured out yet. Of course they don't tell you that the tomatoes and onions they use are the ones that have expired and can no longer be put on sandwiches. The beef is also old; any beef that was not sold during the day or was dropped on the floor or could not be sold on a burger any other way is drained, counted, put in the -10 degree freezer and then put in this huge vat with all the other ingredients. Yum. Also, the chili flavoring is what gives the chili it's flavor. One day, during work, before were coming back because they felt that their chili tasted old. Well, what had happened is that no one had put the chili flavoring in the chili. Of course it would taste old, because everything in it is old and should have been thrown out.
Frostys- "milk, cream, sugar, water, frosty flavoring"
Cheese Sauce- "Hot water and cheese powder"
The bacon is worse than before, it's 80% fat (like the white fat you see on pork) and when it gets old it leaves this white gel substance.
Salads are pretty safe, although they are high in calories.
Stay away from the chicken salad frescata. Only the managers are allowed to make the chicken salad which raises serious suspicions in my mind....why only them?
The other frescatas are okay because it is deli meat that is used not Wendy's made meat with 17% of a solution. gross....what the heck is 17% of a solution?

That's all I can remember right now.....just wanted to warn you. If you saw what my brother and I had to clean yesterday you would NEVER eat there again.....I wanted to never eat again because of it. Well, I'm exaggerating but it was sick.
But I have some fun times at work, such as last night. My brother, Carolyn (whose is this mexican that can say like 10 words in english but laughs when i make faces at her or make fun of other people....now that I think about it she laughs at almost everything I do...like when I dropped a spicy chicken filet on the ground and picked up and put on a sandwhich.....then she did the same thing. Hey, don't judge, we were in a rush and those were the last two chicken's for about 5 min.) and I closed last night and were getting out at record time (2:35) until I had dropped the chili meat which caused my brother and carolyn in a laughing fest. So I cleaned that up and we're about to clock out and the manager does a run through and finds chicken in the draws, which I had forgotten, so I was like "CRAP"! which set my brother and carolyn laughing again.....i guess you just had to be there. It was very funny. But yeah, watch what you eat. Later yo.

To care or not to care.......

So what's been going on in my life, let's see....... I've been working non-stop, went to a wedding and had an awesome weekend, planning a beach trip with some track buds in July, went to Peter's lake house, finished Praise Habit, started swimming everyday and trying to get better at the butterfly stroke, played some volleyball, haven't gone to the quarry yet, and other stuff I can't remember. But I've been "battling" more like thinking, a lot about some stuff; specifically caring. The weekly quote is one of many that I have received while being home, mainly from family saying I care too much, or I'm too personal, or I shouldn't care so on and so forth. Over the year I've heard things like, "you'll be a better small group leader because you care for people", or "you can change this and that because you care" which was really encouraging and got me pumped for next year but now, being here, I'm starting to think the opposite. Quite frankly, these past few weeks I have been done with caring for people.....why? because it is unfruitful, it produces nothing, and just drains me. I think I need to stop caring so much, even if that means stop caring in general. I look at my friends and some family member's lives, which are void of caring, and see how happy they are, how fulfilling their lives seem(whether that be the case or not, I don't know, may be it's for show).

So I started to rethink what it means to care, what it looks like, and when it is appropriate to care if you can limit it to specific times, or people in your life. I came to the conclusion to take a step back, to withdraw some ( not all the way where I never talk to you or anyone else again), to not care as much. I don't know, I feel cheesy saying all of this but somethings got to change and this is something that I can change so I'm going for it. And yet it feels so wrong to think this way, it is like I'm stuck in the middle of a fence not knowing where to fall.......well, I think it's time for me to look out for me only. Something that I barely do, and I need to start doing more often. I think that will benefit everyone a little more.

Summer......What Summer?

I really suck at this updating thing but at least late then never. This picture was taken around this time last year at the Quarry in B-burg. You don't know how amazing it is until you have been there and actually jumped off the 40 ft. cliff that I am standing on. The water is clear blue which makes jumping a little daunting because you can see straight to the bottom. But man, you have to try it at least once. It's the main attraction other than Tech in these parts. Sadly, I haven't been able to go all but once since I have been. It's not really a big deal but it is just one activity that I had planned for this summer that I have been unable to pursue. That's been happening a lot lately.
To give you a background about what's been happening this summer I must start on day I got back from Rockbridge. Well, that was my first day of work at the wonderful restaurant of Wendy's. I work the night shift from 5pm-2am and I don't get out of work till around 3:00-3:30am. I also have a another job that starts at 8am till around 3pm watching my baby niece. Thankfully, I have weekends off where I try to hang out with some friends here that I haven't seen in awhile. Talk about a shock. I wasn't as prepared as I thought I was for this kind of work schedule. I now know the how valuable sleep is. The first few weeks I was running on about 4 hours of sleep each night except on weekends which does not help while watching a 3 month old baby. She's the funniest baby I have ever seen; making faces that I make and that my sister make just cracks me up which then makes her laugh which then makes me laugh and it becomes one big laughing fest. But man, she can cry very loud. I mean that's how she tells you that she crapped her pants or she's hungry, but with no sleep, that crying seems to multiply a lot.
So that was my week life: work, 2-hour break where I loaded up on coffee and food, then work again, then sleep, then work........ So this hard schedule was not something I was prepared for this summer. One thing that I looked forward too this summer was going back to my old church and the new college bible study that they were offering. Well, talk about two let downs. This church is awesome and extremely active but I just don't connect to it anymore, which was very unexpected. This "bible study" which is more like sunday school, and the teaching method is more of "let me tell you what the bible says instead of you figuring it out for yourself and applying it to your life". I understand the concept that you get out of it what you put into it but you must understand that I was pretty excited about it and had a great attitude going into it. I don't believe I had high expectations for it, just that I thought it would be a great time to get to know my fellow methodist peers that are in college, living life as a Christian. It was more like the same old cliquish youth group back in high school which I disliked then and dislike now. So basically, I'm trying to say is that I feel like I've lost my spiritual community when leaving Old Dominion which isn't right. Why can't I find that sense of spiritual community here in Blacksburg? Where is that sense of support that I once had?
Anyways, it sounds like I'm whining (give me credit, if you had to do this you would be complaining too, for a little bit) and I wanted to give you a background of what has been going on so that you may understand why I have not been myself lately.
I was talking to my amazing friend recently about all this and she gave some awesome advice: count your blessings.
Count my blessings? What blessings? oh wait.. haha...dang. Man have I been being dumb recently complaining. What good comes out of complaining and comparing your life to others and wishing that you could go to the beach everyday or hang out with anyone you like whenever you like or having a better job or wishing that your life was someone else's? One, that is an insult to God. Two, it produces nothing but pity parties and bad moods. Yeah, it is easy to say wow, they have it made. But something I've come to realize is that there is always someone there saying that about you. That there is always someone worse off than you are and instead of complaining I should be thanking...thanking God for giving me this life no matter how difficult it is. Thanking God for giving the best friends a guy could ask for even when they don't call when they say they would or hanging out with you when they said they could. Thanking God for giving me a church I can go to when there are thousands of people in the world who don't have a church to go to. Thanking God for giving me a job when there are millions of people in poverty, struggling just to survive. I mean, here I am complaining about working at a Wendy's to pay for college when there are people working there to just get food on the table. How messed up is that? That is not right. That is not godly. Instead of complaining and comparing I should be thanking. And quite frankly, these past few days have been the best this summer. Not because I did anything exciting or hung out with some cool people or I went to the beach or Busch Gardens, etc. but because I have been counting the blessings that God has given me, being ever so thankful for the life he has given me and being grateful my best friends, two of which are in the top right hand corner.
So if you're ever in a tight spot or feeling incredibly down about random crap or just feeling like no cares for you( which is a bad habit I get into, but more on that in a different blog) think about your blessings, the wonderful life that God has given you no matter how difficult it is, and ultimately think about the best gift/blessing that has been given to you: JESUS. Just thinking about what Jesus has done for me just blows my mind. Every life is a great life with Jesus.

The Here and Now

Hello peeps of the online world. This is my first entry in my first blog. You're reading this because you're interested in reading my thoughts and opinions about some stuff or you're just bored and have nothing to do so you read random people's blogs.
I called my blog the Here and Now because while I was creating it my brother Jonathan, Andrew, and I were playing monopoly (I lost terribly) and on the side of the box said, "The Here and Now" and that fits with my train of thought: I try to concentrate on the present while remembering the past and looking forward to the future, which is a hard thing to do.
Being stressed about the future has never been an issue with me because I rarely think about the future. I try to avoid talking about it as well. Which is a good thing, to an extent. It is a good thing because it gives me time to focus on the here and now and not miss out on the present. I have less worries because I spend less time worrying about the future. I have to give a shout out to Jesus on that one, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Matthew 6:34. Actually verses 25-34 all relate about how we shouldn't worry about our lives.
But this can be a problem if mis- interrupted. Yes, we are called to be dependent on God but that doesn't mean that we are lazy and just sit on the couch all day saying, "God will do everything for me and I don't have to do a thing". Uh, no, not at all. If that was the case then we would all be puppets, having no free will; thus, no love. But I'm jumping around.
I believe that we are to be dependent on God but that requires us to act and to move toward God and his calling for us. He will do what we can't do ourselves, like save our souls. He will not give us an A on a test because we can do that ourselves. But recently I have been thinking about the future and am pretty excited about it. This may seem weird but I have this bad tendency to regret the past which causes me to fear the future. But recently, well the past few months, I have been more excited about it and more importantly, excited about how God is shaping my life and is going to use me to do His will. But the one thing I am kind of struggling with is trying to determine what God has in store for me, specifically what my "career" should be. Yeah, I've been stressing about that a lot recently because I don't want to pursue something that comes into conflict with what God has planned for me, but it is hard to determine what He does have planned for me. So I kind of feel stuck of not knowing what to do, what to pursue. I guess I should just pursue what God has placed in my heart, but is it what God has placed there or what I have placed there? Man, this is tough. I guess I need to go back to Matthew 6:25-34 and just depend on God. Yeah, easier said than done.